For parents

I was glad to learn that some of the parents do read this blog. And I am also happy that some of the parents share-read my blog with their children. I read a passage this morning and would like to share this to the parents.

This is an article from The Standard, on 8th February, about parenting, and "grandparenting". I find the article quite inspiring and it gives some good food for thought. I understand that nowadays parents can be quite busy bread winning and have limited time to spend on their child(ren). However, from my observation, children do enjoy their time spent with their parents whom they often see as role models in life.

Last Saturday was Parent's Day, I happened to talk to some of the parents, and I was inspired by some of them who are truly dedicated. No doubt, looking after a child and watch him/her grow (happily and righteously) is a difficult job.

Parents are best when it comes to kids' growth

Rebecca Yu

Monday, February 08, 2010

When it comes to bringing up a child, grandparents can never replace parents.

That's the conclusion of a survey carried out by Baptist University, the results of which were revealed yesterday.

It said children in skipped-generation families - those with absent parents - tend to find it hard to relate to other people, are more lonely than normal children, have few friends and often face social discrimination.

In most cases, grandparents are less educated, making it even harder for them to control children, according to the survey conducted in the first six months of last year.

Interviews were held with 29 skipped-generation families - 16 the result of divorce, eight with illegitimate children and five of working migrant parents. Three of the families live on just HK$2,000 a month, while seven are on social security.

"Grandparents can provide a stable living environment, an intimate blood relationship and a sense of security for children," said Shirley Hung Suet-lin, assistant professor of social work.

"But grandparents can never take the place of parents in a child's growth."

Boys' and Girls' Clubs Association executive director Lilian Law Suk-kwan said grandparents are usually too old.

In most of the 29 cases, the age difference between children and grandparents is between 50 to 59 years, though in one extreme case it is 75.

Most of the grandparents did not complete primary school education.

One, surnamed Lam, 60, said her poor education is a barrier. "I once asked my grandson to read the English newspapers but he shouted back `you cannot understand, so why should I read?"'

Lam said her son and daughter-in- law are working in the mainland and her grandson is an extra child under the one- child policy. To escape paying the 100,000 yuan (HK$113,785) penalty, the boy was sent to Hong Kong, his birthplace.

Lam and her grandson live on social security assistance. Her husband died 10 years ago.

She said her fear is dying before the boy grows up so she swims daily to improve her health.

Law said the fear of death also affects the grandchildren.

And Hung said another problem is grandparents often do not know how to explain the absent parents, resulting in the children becoming angry and hostile when they learn the truth.

In addition, children often fear being discriminated against by their peers.

According to 2006 figures, there are more than 6,600 skipped-generation families in Hong Kong, Hung said.

But she believes the real figure could be much higher and urges the government to provide financial support.